Warning, this is a dramatization.


Born under an angry Mercury, Logan Schneider was raised by wolves just outside of Pittsburg.  He attended boarding school in Nantucket after being expelled from the local high school for “biting and howling”.  An eager debate club member, he also enjoyed a prestigious position as chess club water boy.


Choosing to take a year off following his securing of a high school diploma at gunpoint, Logan Schneider worked as a vitamin runner (and Mule) in the famed “It’s a Focused World After All” Disneyland Adderall/Ritalin crime syndicate.  Upon matriculating at the College of Phoenix (A phone based degree program) and studying communications, Logan decided to move to Hollywood, where most disastrous human beings live.  In the film industry, he quickly exhibited the necessary traits for success, namely egoism, backstabbing, self-rightous grandiosity and the ability to glob on to, and take credit for, the actual talent of others.


Logan Schneider also wears glasses, holds a camera, and does impressions.